Not much of a title I’ll agree but couldn’t put what I wanted without scaring off my non-existant readers… To quote a certain theme tune: “…Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year….” (Rembrandts IIRC). Just had a fairly shitty day and then I’m waiting round for the 2nd shift of my WoW guilds 10 man Naxx raid to be called… Only wait we don’t need you. But they didn’t bother actually saying anything, couldn’t they have made the decision and just said?
FFS
Been trying to gear myself up so I can actually help out on raids and stuff but it seems that everyone else is far better equiped and skilled and not hindered by a frankly shitty internet connection… (’The internet is fine for me, therefor its all we need…’ - My father). My new mouse which I love mainly is also buggereing around with the wifi as well which is even better.
Can my life actually get more fun and interesting? Seriously I’m so close to just going postal ATM that I think I ought to be locked up for everyones safety.
They say that depression is anger without enthusiasm, at the moment I have huge amounts of anger that are just aching to leave and cause a ruction, even if I know that in the long run the only person who ends up hurt is me.
I’m unable to be who I am. The medical profession either can’t or won’t help. Depends on who I talk to. I don’t get the point of a mythical entity who I can witter at but who does nothing tangible to help. God is a crutch to so many people, how I envy them their safe little god fearing lives. I just fear life.
I hate being who I am, its a matter of record, I spend my entire time trying to be someone I’m not. For my parents who want a nice, safe heterosexual child and maybe some grandkids down the line. For the outside world who I pretend that I’m fairly normal if a little eccentric. Hell I even try to pretend to myself that I’m coping… Who the hell do I really kid I wonder?
My mum knows how I feel I think, leastways ifshe doesn’t she’s a helluva lot less sensitive than I thought… Still shes not sensitive enough to know how much it hurts to have to lie about everything you are to everyone to maintain a fiction of a life.
Stupid thing is when I was a kid I lied a lot, stole was generally a bad kid… She said to me several times she wouldn’t trust anything I said, would have to check outside if I said it was raining… Sadi i couldn’t distinguish fact from fiction. Yet now its her problem she’d have me live a lie rather than upset her own safe existance. As for my dad, last time I saw a medical professional (shrink) I made it quite clear that I don’t feel that I was neglected as a kid. Yes another damned lie.
He never had time for me, made promises he never kept, now has he changed unless he has something to tell me he hardly ever speaks to me… somedays I feel invisible… maybe that’d be nice I could wear what I wanted and look like a complete fucking head case and i’d still feel completely fucking alone…
I feel so freaking lonely, I have no friends, human touch for me is a stuffed toy…
I just wish I was brave enough to sort my issues out but I’m not. someone please put me out of my misery.